you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
