weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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