Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
