Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I need to calm my uterus...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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