then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
