Swine flu. Run for my life!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
