Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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