I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
