you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
