I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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