a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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