there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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