Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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