We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
vagina is talking i cant
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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