We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
