Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
