I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
