You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
