mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
