remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
