Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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