Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.

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(847): View more from Illinois

why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship

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(519): View more from Ontario

we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning

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(606): View more from Kentucky

only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.

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(520): View more from Arizona

So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?

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(843): View more from South Carolina

You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'

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