You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
