Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
