If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
