I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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