no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
