It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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