I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
