Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
