No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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