they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
