i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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