Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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