break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
