it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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