it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she peed on how many people?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The struggles of a small town man whore
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
