his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
