Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
