Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
