i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
