Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
