My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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