Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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