its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm both gender and math confused
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
