and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
