im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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