I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
