there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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