How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
