Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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